A signifiant number of the women I have worked with believed at some point that their vaginas were broken due to numbness, pain and/or irritation during sex. I too used to believe that my vagina was broken.
Then I learned about trauma and how it functions in the human body, causing desensitization, pain, and numbness.
In fact, lack of vaginal sensation is so prevalent in our culture that mainstream sex education suggests most female bodies aren’t even capable of having vaginal orgasms, and the clitoris is the key to sexual fulfillment for women worldwide.
Having gone through the process of restoring full sensation to my vagina and reclaiming my birthright to deeply satisfying, ecstatic, toe-curling and mind-bending vaginal orgasms, I am deeply offended by the suggestion that “some women just aren’t wired for vaginal pleasure”, and the suggestion that we should just “give up” and focus on the clit.
If a man’s penis was perpetually numb would mainstream sex education encourage him to just give up and focus on his balls, suggesting that not all penises are meant to feel pleasure?
Not likely!
Your vagina is made for pleasure. If you aren’t feeling pleasure there is a reason.
99% of the time that reason is some form of trauma or unresolved emotion stored in the genital tissue.
How can this be the case for so many female bodies? Take a look at our culture:
- 1 in 4 women will experience some form of sexual abuse or assault before the age of 18.
- 99% of women have experienced “street harassment”- i.e. verbal sexual assault while walking down the street.
We live in a culture that encourages and condones sexual violence towards female bodies. The most recent rape cases in the US confirm that sexual violence towards women is considered a “minor infraction” by our justice system. And if you are a woman of color, this is even more pronounced.
Desensitized, numb, irritated, and painful vaginas are the natural result of living in a culture which teaches us sexual DIS-connection from infancy and provides pornography as the most prevalent and accessible form of visual sex education.
So what can we do?
First, we must understand what is happening and why. Then we can apply the correct “medicine” to heal it.
There are a few other considerations in relationship to vaginal sensation or the lack thereof to consider:
1. The vaginal lining itself has very few nerve endings. Compare this to the clitoris (10K) and the cervix (as many as 250k in one study). The vaginal walls themselves have hundreds of nerve endings, as opposed to thousands. Most of the vaginal sensation we feel is a result of the extensive network of erectile tissue surrounding the first 1-3 inches of the vagina, the clitoral legs that extend toward the back of the vagina and cervix, and the 4 nerve pathways that innervate specific areas of the vagina.
2. This is why ENGORGEMENT is so critical for Yoni owners to experience their FULL capacity for pleasure! We have FIVE BEDS of erectile tissue hidden within our secret chambers, and it takes TIME for all of that erectile tissue to become full and ripe.
3. “Trauma” can be overt, such as a sexual assault or negative sexual experience, but it can also be very covert and difficult to recognize because it’s so normalized in society. (See this post)
“Armoring” can occur for a multitude of reasons, and honestly, you may or may not even know why it’s there. I’ve had vaginal armoring release in a flood of laughter or tears, but no story attached, and I’ve also experienced vivid reliving of experiences as the armor dissolves.
How (and even sometimes when) we experience a layer of pain dissolving really isn’t our choice, not consciously.
It’s the BODY that determines when, if, and how it is going to let go of this “block to bliss”. All we have to do is provide the causes, conditions, and support to facilitate the healing.
The body knows how to heal itself and the body knows what burdens it no longer needs to carry on our behalf.
So knowing the 4 stages of healing can be very very helpful for navigating this process. Watch the video below for a refresher on 4 stages of healing trauma.
