Welcome back to Sex Is Medicine, your number #1 resource for holistic sex education. In this episode, Alaina and Devi draw on their combined 27 years of expertise to answer a very common question: “Is it normal not to feel him inside you?”
So, here’s the scoop! While many, many women and PWV experience this, it doesn’t mean it’s normal. Common? Yes. Normal? Not at all!
Unfortunately, in the quest to boost body positivity, creators can sometimes unintentionally overlook sharing valuable insights that can help us all maximize our pleasure.
Think of sexuality as a fun skill to develop! It’s not solely about knowing all the cool positions or fancy techniques; it’s truly about connecting with yourself and figuring out what makes you feel good.
The first step in this journey is often through self-exploration and self-pleasure, which, let’s be honest, many women might shy away from for a bunch of reasons such as:
- The vagina isn’t easy to access on your own, often requiring tools or a partner to feel really great.
- Those pesky purity beliefs and worries about “virginity” can hold back women and PWV from exploring their own pleasure.
- There’s social pressure that can make women think that being knowledgeable about sex is a bad thing—like only “bad girls” are sexually literate.
- A lack of comprehensive sex education leaves a lot of women (and people in general) in the dark about what’s even possible when it comes to pleasure.
What Does The Research Say About Sensation and Nerve Fibers?
One study found that nerve density in the vagina doesn’t vary much, while another study suggested that vaginal nerves respond better to deeper pressure. But here’s the catch: most of this research was done on animals, not humans! Plus, some studies claim that the vaginal canal has no nerves at all, but there’s no definitive research that backs up that claim.
So, What are the Stats?
A 2015 study in the U.S. showed that only 18.4% of women felt that intercourse alone was enough for orgasm. In comparison, 36.6% needed clitoral stimulation during intercourse to reach orgasm, and another 36% said orgasms felt even better with clitoral stimulation, even if they didn’t require it!
An Italian study from 2021-2023 found that out of 1,799 women, 40.7% primarily had clitoral orgasms, 18% had vaginal orgasms, and 41.2% enjoyed both! Pretty interesting, right?
It would be super helpful to gather more data on vaginal orgasms from various regions like Central and South America, Europe, Africa, and Asia. Each culture has unique perspectives on sexuality!
Getting to Know Your Body: The role of engorgement in your pleasure!
Engorgement is key to amplifying pleasure! On the flip side, if you’re feeling numbness, pain, or irritation, that might be a sign of physical or emotional trauma. It’s important to tune in to your body and find ways to bring those sensations back to life—often called “de-armoring.”
Self-pleasure is a beautiful way to connect with yourself! Sadly, many women hesitate to explore internal stimulation because of those same barriers: accessibility issues, societal pressures, and a lack of sex education can really hold them back.
Here are some tips to enhance your solo sexual experience:
– Create a sacred sensual container for your self-pleasure practice
– Minimize distractions – i.e. turn off your phone and computer notifications
– Focus on relaxing and breathing into your body
– Use the “translating pleasure” method to open numb areas and transform pain and irritation (we describe this process in the video below)
-Allow yourself to feel and express any emotions that may arise during your session
-Tune into your arousal process—only dive into deeper exploration when you’re fully turned on.
– Enjoy some solo play to really amp up your pleasure potential before bringing a partner into the mix.
And lastly,
– Work with a professional coach for guidance and support
Let’s chat about how important it is to sift through all that info out there on social media.
Just because someone has a ton of followers doesn’t mean they’re a pro!
When you’re following an “expert,” ask yourself a few things:
– Who created this? Do they have the credentials to back it up?
– What catches your eye about their content?
– What values and viewpoints are they sharing, and who’s backing them?
– How might others see this message differently?
– What important pieces might be missing from the story?
By taking a closer look at these questions, we can empower ourselves to better understand our sexuality and pleasure.
Let’s embrace this journey of discovery together!
